


UST and ICBMs

by beetle



Category: Family Guy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 12:32:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/811627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetle/pseuds/beetle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dude, it’s a “Family Guy” ficlet *shrugs* 300 words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	UST and ICBMs

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.  
> Notes/Spoilers/Warnings: None.

  
“What the  _deuce_  do you think you’re doing, dog?!”   
  
Brian casually bounces Stewie’s latest doo-hickey in his palm, ignoring the toddler’s enraged expression and apoplectically red face.  
  
“Lemme guess . . . this gadget is part of some brilliant escape plan?”  
  
“Not that it’s any of your business, mongrel, but  _no_.” Stewie lies, his voice as sweet as poisoned candy, his eyes narrowed murderously. “Now hand it over!”  
  
“Sure thing--whoops!” Brian lobs the micro-controlled electromagnetic launch re-sequencer--which looks just like a See’n’Say--at Stewie.   
  
With a gasp, Stewie dives for it--catches it in his tiny, grimy hands before it bounces off the changing table, thus setting off the missiles that would have blasted the family, all of Quohog--even the imbecilic mutt--off the face of the earth.  
  
Stewie glares daggers at his canine tormentor.  
  
“You’ll pay for that, dog. . . .” he promises. “Oh, how you’ll pay.”  
  
Brian rolls his eyes. “That’s right. Keep sublimating those latent homosexual urges, kaiser.”  
  
“Latent homo--” Stewie forces himself calm and smiles nastily. “I look forward to the day I can do the watusi in your entrails.”  
  
“Shyeah, whatever. I already saw this episode of  _Pinky and the Brain_ , so I’m gonna go take a nap. Have fun taking over the world.” Brian chuckles and turns to walk away.  
  
“Laugh while you can, mutt! The day is soon coming when  _I_  shall have the laugh--and I assure you . . .  _it will be the last!”_  
  
Brian tosses a parting shot over his shoulder: “Hey--by the way? I think you’ve just soiled yourself.”  
  
“What do you  _mean_  I’ve--” he pauses, catches a whiff of himself. His eyes widen, the left one picking up a noticeable tic.  
  
“ _Blast!_ ” Echoes throughout the house, the neighborhood, and greater Quahog.  
  
Brian strolls away smirking.  
  
Stewie plots vengeance.


End file.
